Originally written in 1995

I always thought my journal would be full of my life experiences – some happy and some sad.  I never thought I’d have to write the saddest and most heartbreaking entry.  On May 29th, my dear husband, Terry passed away. I miss him so much.  It’s hard to go on without him in my life.  He was my best friend.  I could tell him anything.  He was always on my side.  He loved me.  There is this huge hole in my heart that can’t be filled.  He was my lover.  I miss his touch and the love we shared.

I know that the kids are so lost without him – each in his/her own way.  Matt misses a dad who he can discuss sports and history with; Julie misses her #1 cheerleader; Katie misses the love and tenderness he always showed her; and Chrissie misses him for the security he brought to her and the family. She worries if we’re going to make it.  I can’t say it out loud because it scares me and them, but I worry, too!

We probably will make it. I’m strong and I can still do most of the everyday things.  But life doesn’t seem fun anymore.  Terry was my fun – He was my date-maker, my frivolous spender, my entertainment planner.  I will miss him in my life  – every moment of every day!